oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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