i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
