Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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