told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
