you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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