I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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