when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
