What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
