I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
