i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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