she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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