Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize