how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
