i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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