Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
