All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
