TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
