You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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