You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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