your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wakey wakey hands off snakey
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
