They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
