I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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