I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
