Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
