So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
