We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
