apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
