we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
