I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
