Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
