Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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