He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
