Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
