The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
