she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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