Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
