Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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