I want to walk on stilts...naked
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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