Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We are all done wearing pants today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
