I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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