the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
