Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
