her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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