ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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