I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
