oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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