Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize