Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
