Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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