Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
