I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
