Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
