I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
