I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
