My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
