that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
