what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize