first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
