Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
