Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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