i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
