I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
