I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize