I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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