That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
