why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
