No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
