My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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