I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
