:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
