Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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