Got a toothbrush?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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