Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am naked and annoyed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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