Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
