I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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