community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
