I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
