just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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