I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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