I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
