Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
