we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
