You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
