he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize