in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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