and my herpes radar will keep us safe
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
