Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
