Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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