At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
