if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
