OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
