I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
