soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
