please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
