You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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