i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
