My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
