It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
