So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
