this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize