I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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